


the heart wants (what it wants)

by lovlyhyuck



Series: maybe it's not fate (or maybe it is) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, im so sorry for this, jaehyun centric, only teen and up for light swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 17:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17146280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovlyhyuck/pseuds/lovlyhyuck
Summary: The universe is really against Jaehyun making his suffering end. He probably did something to it in another life and now it hates him.Or Jaehyun wants to confess but plans ends up changing (a lot)





	the heart wants (what it wants)

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas! again this is a product of my braincell and this is not beta'd so pls don't mind this nonsense.

Today was the day, he told himself he wasn’t going to be a coward anymore and finally have his heart stomped over violently. He was leaving in the next two days, so he would escape in peace to heal and then comeback and maybe everything would come back to normal.

Confessing to your childhood best friend and his boyfriend that you loved them both for years and getting rejected maybe wasn’t something you could get over during the christmas break. Jaehyun believed that he could do it (Doyoung didn’t, but Jaehyun never listen to him anyway).

That’s why he was standing in front the bathroom’s mirror making sure his make up wasn’t all that bad and his hair looked good. From the outside of the bathroom, Doyoung was getting impatient.

“Johnny and Taeyong saw you in your worst state why are you even doing this”

“Well you see,” he was now making sure his shirt wasn’t all that scandalous, “I prefer looking good when I get my heart broken, because at least people will think I’m cute before realizing the mess I am.”

“Why are you like this”

“Like what?”

“You’re so dramatic and you’re already talking like they said no”

That’s because I know they will say no he thought, Doyoung hasn’t known the couple since they got together, Jaehyun has. He was there when it was only Johnny pinning in high school about the cute guy in his math class, where Jaehyun was only a pathetic freshman pining over his best friend. He was there when Taeyong entered the others life so perfectly and Jaehyun couldn’t hate him, as much as he thought he was supposed to. The guy was just too nice, and wouldn’t stop to include Jaehyun, like he wasn’t just a poor third-wheeler.

It took until their prom, when he saw the couple looking so engrossed with each others and looking like fucking models when they were just simple teenagers for god sake. They were taking pictures before leaving and of course they wanted to take pictures with Jaehyun. So there he was looking at them and wishing that the both of them would look at him the same way they looked at each others and- oh that was a new feeling.

Since then he had been pining, getting his hopes up and then getting them crushed miserably, the cycle never ended. He was done with it and wanted it to end, Jaehyun thought tonight would be best. Maybe his brain was still smushed from all the exams he had but he wouldn’t back down, not when he had enough of this emotional roller coaster.

“Well being dramatic makes it entertaining for others, “ answers quietly Jaehyun as he got out of the bathroom, ”do I look good enough?”

His friend had a look in his eyes that Jaehyun wasn’t able to decipher, “ It’s not funny to see your heart possibly get broken, you deserves to be loved Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun didn’t knew how to answer, so he just took his jacket and opened the door, “Let’s go, wouldn’t want to get there late”

Doyoung sighed and smiled sadly, “Yeah”

As they got out of the apartment, Doyoung speak.

“Jaehyun?”

“Yeah”

“You look really good”

As they got out of the building, the silence was still there, snow was falling and everything around them was bubbly, Jaehyun smiled.

What a perfect night to get his heart broken.

♡

The bar they decided to meet was packed as Doyoung and Jaehyun made their way in. Music was playing loudly and people were talking loudly or dancing to it. They spotted quickly Yuta and Sicheng in the crowd, mostly because Yuta is scandalous and can be spotted a mile away.

Sicheng saw them not so long after and made his way to them with Yuta in his trail.

“What took you guys so long?,” slurred Yuta.

“This guy,” Doyoung pointed to Jaehyun, “wanted to look perfect for some reasons”

“I don’t know who those reasons may be” said Sicheng, making Doyoung and Yuta stifle a laugh.

“Sometime I wonder why I’m friend with you three”

The others didn’t answer, but the answer was clear by their looks. He knew they would always be there for him with his awful crushes, but it didn’t stopped them to joke about it from time to time, okay, maybe always.

“But I guess it doesn’t matter since they’re not coming in the end.” Yuta said, making Jaehyun snap out of his head.

“Oh.”

Jaehyun tries to not show the deception and sadness, but he saw that they all saw how he felt. Of course Johnny and Taeyong didn’t went, it wasn’t unusual, but they texted Jaehyun or their groupchat to tell them.

“Johnny texted Yuta before we left that Taeyong was too tired and they would just stay home,” explained Sicheng, “we can still have fun!”

They would, they can have fun even if their group isn’t complete, but Jaehyun had plans tonight, he was going to confess and now everything he prepared is all for nothing. He saw Doyoung giving him a quick look and Jaehyun can’t grasp what it meant.

“Let’s just celebrate that we’re finally done!” Jaehyun tried, smiling but it didn’t felt genuine.

Maybe his friends saw it, but they didn’t said anytime. So they simply headed to the bar to start the night.

♡

Jaehyun drank too much, that was the only thing he was sure about at the moment, his head felt light and he was laughing at everything his three friends were doing, but his heart was always reminding him of his fucking shitty emotions.

Meaning he was still thinking about his damn crushes.

After sometimes (three shots), he made a theory that the universe was sending a message in his own special way, to not confess and keep it inside. Maybe it knew his fate and wanted to nudge him toward the best choice for his poor sad self.

“Jaehyun’ sad pining is sadder than his normal pining,”noted a drunker Yuta, “do you need more shots?”

“Yuta that will just make it worse,” Doyoung said.

He had that look in his eyes, the one Jaehyun couldn’t understand even after so long. It annoyed him, “I’m fine, I'm not sadly pinning”

“Liar.”

“Fuck you Sicheng.”

Doyoung grabbed his arm softly, “Jaehyun”

“I’m tired I’ll just go now.” Jaehyun got up from his seat and walked away from the group, ignoring the look that was probably again on Doyoung’s face. He needed to walk, to get his head thinking of other things and maybe his head would stop to hurt so much.

The air was colder than when he came in, it stopped snowing and the streets were a pretty sights. Except for others wandering around in the streets, there wasn’t a lot of action on the streets. When he came in front of their building, he didn’t hesitate to enter and go up (maybe they would be waiting for him, maybe they tought he would come there sooner or later). He always had the key Johnny gave him, proof that he was wanted to be there by them.

He opened the door and maybe it was the alcohol still in him that made everything so exaggerated but it seemed so much more domestic the appartment was. The pictures on the wall capturing each all their precious moments together and the simple thing like the the post it on the fridge Taeyong has to remind Johnny what he needs to buy for the night.

For the hundredth time that night his heart broke.

He took clumsily his shoes and walked toward the bedroom, the door was closed but he didn’t hesitate to open it.

The sight he had was breathtaking. Taeyong was still asleep, looking finally at peace (Jaehyun knew how hardworking he was and he always loved when he looked calm), but Johnny was looking at him still drunk with sleep and it took everything for Jaehyun not to do anything stupid.

“We gave you the keys to the apartment so you could annoy us during the day, not barge in the middle of the night Jaehyun, especially when you’re drunk.” he said in his oh so amazing raspy voice.

He knew Johnny wasn’t really annoyed, it’s only because he just woke up. He allowed himself to act like the child he is, he couldn’t do anything else.

“You didn’t told me you guys weren’t going to be there! I had to learn it through Yuta,” I guess I don’t matter that much,” I really wanted to see you two tonight.” Tonight was supposed to be the day but both of you decided otherwise.

“I know I’m sorry Jae but both of us were really tired,” sighed Johnny.

He saw that his best friend was still talking, but he didn’t wanted to hear it, it was their fault he couldn’t break his heart for the last time, he would swim in false comfort instead like he always does.

He advanced and layed between the two, making space for him trying to be delicate. Jaehyun felt Taeyong stir, but his head was on the pillow already and he knew he wasn’t leaving this bed.

“Maybe another time.” he said to himself before turning to Johnny’ side, his eyes closed to avoid the conversation.

It didn’t took long before he fell asleep, not even under the cover and ignoring everything except the heat of the two bodies between him. He felt like he belonged, even if tomorrow reality will hit hard like it always had.

**Author's Note:**

> if u made it to the end, thank u so much. maybe leave a kudo or a comment. follow me on twitter @smolhyuckmas if you want to see more of this fucking mess. have a good day/night :3


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